On Valuing Femininity

One major talking point in feminism is the devaluation of the feminine in patriarchal society. In an effort to combat sexism, the feminist community has generated insightful critique of and public demonstration and activism around issues such as female beauty standards, barriers to access and equity for women in the workplace and reproductive choice. These efforts have made inroads and millions of women have benefited because of this work.

At the same time, some members of the feminist community have also engaged in practices that also devalue the qualities considered feminine in our culture. For example, I often hear young feminists talk with an air of superiority about how they were never into playing house, dressing dolls or making female friends. Instead they enjoyed playing with cars and trucks, exploring the woods, and kicking the soccer ball around with boys. As these young feminists describe themselves as tomboys, they chastise others who did enjoy activities considered more feminine. I take issue with the assumption of a strict dichotomy expressed in their statements: that you can be either feminine or masculine and that this is expressed in either playing house or playing with cars, playing with girls or playing with boys. For the vast majority of us, such a dichotomy does not account for our experiences, which were more varied. I also disagree with the sentiment that playing house and playing with dolls is inherently “un-feminist” or inferior to playing with cars or playing sports as a young child. All activities mentioned can teach children important skills and none are in-and-of-themselves damaging. By playing house and parenting dolls, children learn to demonstrate caring, consideration for others, and selfless giving. By traipsing through the woods and racing cars, children learn to explore, discover and compete. These qualities are ones that all children should learn. The feminist community is undermined when members of the community rank and qualify individual actions, preferences, or ways of knowing by a standard that prizes that which is considered more masculine.