Feminism and Marriage

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I’m getting married in June. Consequently, I have been thinking a lot about the institution of marriage. Specifically I’ve been giving some thought to how/whether my decision to marry impacts my feminism and how I can bring my feminist ideals to my marriage in a way that will enable an equitable partnership and contribute to the discussion and practice of making more equitable partnerships the norm. Discussions along these lines are also taking place in the feminist blogosphere, prompted largely by a major young feminist figure, Jessica Valenti, discussing her own plans to marry.

While the ongoing debate has unfortunately centered more around whether you are less of a feminist if you get married and even whether or not those who marry can be feminist, I think the central question the debate brings up is whether or not we can change patriarchal society through informed participation in and attempted transformation of its historically patriarchal institutions. (As a central societal institution, marriage has historically been used to justify and perpetuate female subservience.) Will transformation come only through rejection of these structures? I’ve thought a fair amount about these questions and will continue to think about it for a long time to come. I’d love to hear your thoughts about this and to talk about where I am in my thinking about it. I think that working inside the institution of marriage to make it a more equitable and accessible can be valuable. I think the efforts of those men and women who carved out more equitable partnerships within marriage have already positively impacted the institution of marriage (though I acknowledge that we have a long, long way to go). Of course I also see the value in choosing not to participate in an institution such as marriage. I don’t think ending patriarchy and transforming existing heterosexist, patriarchal institutions will come from one approach, but rather through the conscious efforts of many people using multiple approaches. What are your thoughts? What am I missing?